Cosmic Captain: Chapter 20

The place was a seedy bar with loud music and cheap drinks. I didn’t have that wrist implant that Lovath and his crew used to call each other and pay for things—colloquially called a jabber—but Derrick insisted the drinks were on him. I was certain that Lovath would have given me the credits if I found him and asked, but Derrick seemed truly determined to keep me away from my captain as long as possible.

He’d described his great escape to me in detail, and I felt a bit embarrassed that I hadn’t even thought of the things he did. His abduction experience had been as horrible as mine, though it didn’t seem to debilitate him as much as me. I was jealous of how mentally strong he had to be to carry on as normal, but I was glad it didn’t keep him up at night too.

Since I’d started sleeping with Lovath, I at least had someone to comfort me when nightmares woke me up. Comfort me, then drown me in kisses that made me forget that chemical taste in my mouth from the krexxian quarantine procedures.

Derrick had waited all the way until they tried to auction him off to attempt escape, which meant we’d been on the same ship for weeks. He’d had the same outfit of three that had escorted me into an auction room, but he’d been smart enough to smash the control tablet once the krexxians had led him off board.

They couldn’t paralyze him, and he was able to make a run for it onto Krida Q-5 Station. It was one of many unregulated stations like Rizal Qua Station, and there were no Shukasi Federation enforcers for him to run to, though he hadn’t known anything about the shukasi at the time. He’d just run around the station naked until he was arrested by station security.

From what Lovath told me, station security officers let most things slide because they were underfunded and couldn’t be bothered, but with direct problems like an illegally chipped human running around in the nude, they were often forced to take action. In Derrick’s case, they’d called in some Fed enforcers to take him, if only to make him not their problem.

The enforcers had given him a Federation chip, interrogated him, then stuck him on Pretia with an idesira—like Qwexil—mechanic to learn the trade. Given that Derrick had been a mechanic on Earth, it seemed like he’d been picking it up rather well.

“They strongly recommended I get a lung transplant to live here, but I’m not tying myself down to this place. Think we can lift Lovath’s ship to get back to Earth?”

My heart sank. Hadn’t I thought about doing the same thing? “I can’t do that to him, Derrick. He worked hard for the Event Horizon. That’s not the way I want to do things.”

“Worked hard.” Derrick scoffed. “He’s smuggled and stolen, more like. You really believe he hasn’t transported exotics before?”

I bristled at that. “Certain. He gave Torvan back his credits, Derrick. Does that sound like something a smuggler would do just to get in my pants?” While sometimes it didn’t feel real that Lovath loved me and I had questioned his feelings myself, the need to defend him to my friend burned in my gut. I had my concerns and reservations, but I was positive that Lovath and his crew were not interested in exotics trade.

“Maybe.” He shrugged, and I rolled my eyes. He was being difficult on purpose. “I’m just saying, what’s your plan then? Travel around space with him for how long before you figure out how to get back home?”

Back home.

I’d give almost anything for some french fries, but Earth didn’t really feel like home anymore. I couldn’t think of a single thing I wanted to go back for. “I don’t…know if going back to Earth is in the cards.”

“Home. Earth is home, Gray. We don’t belong here. Just because you enjoy alien dick up your ass doesn’t mean—”

“What the fuck, Derrick?” I cut him off, and I hated that though I was fuming, my eyes were watering with tears. How dare he say that shit to me? “I don’t see how it’s any of your business what Lovath and I are doing. That was a shitty thing to say.”

He retorted, “Am I wrong? You’re letting sex cloud your judgment. I mean, Jesus, have you seen a mirror? He marked you up like he owns you! It’s disgusting.”

My hand flew to my neck, self conscious of the hickeys and bruising there for the first time. Sure, the crew had ribbed me about it—both of us really because I did the same to Lovath—but no one had made me feel so dirty about it before.

“Take me to Grishe’s clinic. I’m done here.” A reel spun in my head of Derrick’s words and I wanted to break down right there. Disgusting. Was that truly how he saw my relationship with Lovath? Hadn’t he received enough judgment for who he fucked on Earth?

Derrick knew he fucked up. “I’m sorry, Gray, I didn’t—”

“Grishe. Now.”

With a grunt of disapproval, Derrick paid the tab so we could leave, and I didn’t even feel bad anymore. Fuck Derrick and his opinions. He’d acted like he was some authority on anything that I liked, and even questioned my own autonomy. For fuck’s sake, I’d spent more time with Lovath than I’d ever spent with Derrick. Without a doubt, Lovath knew my mind better than he did.

I wasn’t even paying attention as I stormed along next to Derrick in silence, until we were climbing stairs and standing in front of a shabby little door. Vaguely, I recalled that Grishe’s clinic had been down a dark alleyway, and not in some sort of apartment complex like this seemed to be.

“This is my place, Gray.”

“Do you actually know where Grishe’s clinic is?” Fear swam in my gut. Lovath had trusted Derrick because I’d asked him to. I could have probably found my way back to Grishe’s from the auto shop Derrick worked at, but definitely not from wherever we were now.

What would Lovath do if I didn’t come back? Would he think I’d run away and just leave? I had to reassure myself that no, he wouldn’t. Staying on Pretia had always been an option for me. I’d been the one to beg Lovath to let me stay on the Horizon. He’d come looking for me if I disappeared.

“I do know how to get to Grishe’s.” Derrick answered solemnly. “But I’ll take you there in the morning, if you still want to. Can you please stay here tonight? You haven’t been alone since you got abducted. Give yourself one night on your own, and if you still want to leave with him then I’ll let you.”

I didn’t point out that a night in Derrick’s apartment wasn’t a night alone. And I also didn’t mention that he couldn’t let me do anything. Instead, I used my own autonomy to turn around and start walking back down the stairs.

“I’ll find it myself then.” I heard Derrick make a frustrated sound in the back of his throat, but there were no footsteps behind me. Surely, I could recognize where we’d been earlier. If not, maybe I could find the local law enforcement and ask.

“Gray, this is ridiculous.” Derrick called out to my back. I was most of the way back to the ground and the wind was picking up. My mouth had tasted like sand and grit all day, and it was disgusting. Had it been my idea to stay here for a night?

Finally, I heard Derrick clambering down the stairs after me. “You seriously willing to risk your life out here tonight rather than stay with me?” The hurt in his voice made me pause. I was pissed, sure, but Derrick was still my friend. I didn’t want him to think that staying with him was such a horrible prospect.

Turning, I said, “It’s not about that. I don’t want to be forced. Please take me back to Grishe like I asked.”

With a heavy sigh, Derrick joined me at the bottom of the stairs. “Okay. Fine, just…don’t wander around out here alone.” He sounded like Lovath, except I didn’t get the warm fuzzies at the protectiveness. I just felt irritated that he thought of me like something to watch over.

Waving an arm out in indication for him to lead the way, I didn’t respond. I was still too angry. He guided me down the dark, dusty streets, and I paid attention this time. I recognized when we got near the auto shop he worked at and let myself feel a little relieved. Even if he ditched me there, I was confident I could find my way to Grishe’s clinic.

Derrick was true to his word, though, and eventually took me to the alleyway I’d been in earlier. I was good at directions, and found myself thankful that I wouldn’t need to rely on anyone to get around this area anymore.

When we got to an unassuming door, I waved my hand over the panel and it flashed yellow. That meant it was informing the people inside that someone was requesting entry, so I’d just wait a minute. “You can go home, Derrick. If you want to see me off tomorrow, you can.”

To think, I’d been so fixated on rescuing him and now I barely even wanted him to say goodbye.

“You won’t reconsider at all, Gray?” He sounded so forlorn, and when I turned back to look at him, guilt filtered back in. He was a human being, lost in a galaxy that wasn’t made for him, just like I was. But I found a place for me out here. It seemed like he could find a place too.

“I think I can be happy with Lovath, Derrick. Happier than I ever was on Earth.” Happier than I’d be with him, I didn’t say. “Can’t you be happy too?”

His face hardened. “No. How the fuck can you be so amiable about this!? We don’t belong here! None of this was made for us, none of these aliens want us here! If you think you’ve found aliens that care about you, you’re wrong.”

“That’s not true. Everyone on the Event Horizon are my friends.” Even Talisaar, I was beginning to suspect. And I truly believed that. They didn’t talk down to me or see me as lesser just because I was human. It had taken some adjustment, sure, but I could imagine if cavemen appeared and started talking to me like rational beings I’d need an adjustment period too.

“They don’t!” Derrick insisted. “To them, you will always be a primitive species. They think they can control you, and you’re letting them! Can’t you see that the traakian is trying to fuck you into complacency?”

“Jesus Christ, Derrick give it a rest!” I snapped, gritting my teeth with rage. “As you so eloquently put it, leave me the fuck alone to enjoy Lovath’s alien dick up my ass and go be miserable by yourself!”

Someone made a choked sound, and I gasped in horror when I realized the door in front of me had slid open. My face flushed as I looked up at the hairless krexxian woman who stood in the entryway, her four eyes crinkled up in amusement. Past her, the entire crew of the Horizon was seated at a large table in the middle of an open area.

“Hi, you must be Grishe. I’m Grayson.” My voice came out a little strangled, and she just raised her brows—really brow muscles, since krexxians didn’t have any hair—at me.

“I made a safe assumption.” Her voice was a bit wizened, and upon closer inspection I could tell her face was lined with age. Considering how long I knew people could live in space, that didn’t give me any indication of how old she might be.

Honestly I was too embarrassed to speculate, and when I looked over my shoulder again, Derrick was gone. Good, because I probably would have shouted at him some more. Grishe stepped aside to let me in and I refused to make eye contact with anybody as I slid myself into the open seat next to Lovath.

Qwexil coughed. “How did it go with your friend?”

I shot him a scathing glare. His lips quirked, he snickered, then schooled himself.

Grishe, still standing, clapped her hands together. “Right, I think now that Grayson is here, we can all retire, yes? I’ve got a new chip ready to go for you first thing in the morning, hon.” She smiled at me, and I was grateful she was acting like everything was normal. Even Talisaar was fighting back a snide remark, I could see it in his giant eyes.

“Come on, ksiva. Ignore them.” Lovath grinned at me, grabbing my hand and standing. He tugged me after him deeper into the recesses of Grishe’s home, and I tried to ignore the sound of Qwexil bursting into laughter as we left.