Cosmic Captain: Chapter 23

My eyes stuck together when I tried to open them, and my head immediately spiked with throbbing pain. With a groan, I peeled open one eyelid, letting a horrible, bright light filter in. Groggy memories of being in Grishe’s clinic for a new chip filled my mind, and I let out a sigh of relief.

It was over.

I forced the other eye open, even if it meant staring at the glaring lights above. My body was heavy, but felt no different. While I didn’t actually believe Grishe would have done anything strange to me while I was under, fear often trumped logic.

Sitting up, I clutched my head and groaned.

“Welcome back.” A familiar voice spoke, but not the one I was expecting. As my vision cleared, a human came into focus, with black hair cut close to his scalp, trim facial hair, and deep brown eyes. Derrick was sitting on a stool next to the surgical cot I’d been laying on for Grishe to perform the procedure.

“What are you doing here?” My tone made a bit of hurt cross his face, but I just wanted to know where Lovath was. I hadn’t expected him to just sit for three or more hours while I was unconscious, but I was hoping he’d be there when I woke up. The panicky feeling wasn’t coming back yet, but I was worried it would.

“Talked with Lovath, he let me watch you so he could take a break.”

That didn’t sound quite right, but I couldn’t place why. “Was I out longer than expected?”

“You can say that again.” Grishe’s voice was recognizable as she entered the room. She pulled up the other stool and shone a light in both my eyes, then used some sort of scanner to examine my head. “Long story short, you didn’t have a regular microchip. They outfitted you with an entire, illegal neural implant. Paralysis was not it’s only function. I had to disentangle the drekking thing from your brain. Took hours. I’d bet the thing was causing fainting spells too.”

A cold, clammy feeling washed over me. I wanted to ask if Derrick had been given something similar, but I still wasn’t very interested in having a discussion with him. “At least it’s out then. Is Lovath—”

“We need to test out your jabber.” Grishe interrupted, and I frowned. Couldn’t it wait? But I did the thing I’d seen the crew of the Horizon do thousands of times and flipped my arm towards me like I was looking at a watch.

An orange hologram flickered around my entire forearm with a lot of words I couldn’t read yet, but…it was fucking amazing. I couldn’t help the smile that crept across my face as I moved my arm around, watching as the movement did different things to the display.

“Perfect.” Grishe was grinning but Derrick had a frown on his face.

“You can’t exactly go back to Earth with that, Gray.”

“Don’t plan to.” I answered simply, still examining my arm. Grishe cleared her throat to divert from Derrick, and started walking me through the jabber’s functionality. Most of it I could figure out without knowing how to read Common, and I could talk to the thing to direct it, too.

Never thought I’d see the day I put so much tech in my body. I was already thinking about the life-extending implants Kryn had mentioned. If I was really going to be with Lovath, live out the rest of my days in space with him, I wanted to have a shot at growing old together.

Even without consideration for Lovath, I was excited at what the prospect of a longer life had to offer. There was so much more knowledge to gain, so many places to see and explore. I wanted that more than I wanted to go home. And I wanted it more than I was afraid of the implants themselves.

“This is amazing, Grishe, I can’t thank you enough. Can you tell me where Lovath is?”

At the question, Grishe looked at Derrick, her lips drawn in a frown.

He shifted in his seat. “Look, Gray…”

“Where is Lovath?”

“He left.”

All my thoughts skidded to a halt. “He what?” I ran through everything my head, everything he’d said to me, everything he’d promised.

“He said he thought it was better for everyone if you stayed here on Pretia.” Derrick’s words were cautious, and Grishe’s lips were pressed tightly together, her arms crossed over her chest.

My head spun. No. He couldn’t leave me, he promised he wouldn’t. Had he meant it when he said he loved me? I thought of what Kryn had told me, that Lovath thought of me as his and how he didn’t let go of things that belonged to him.

It didn’t make sense, none of it made any fucking sense.

“He wouldn’t…” I rasped as tears flooded my eyes, emotion clogging my throat. “He said—”

“Then he lied!” Derrick’s response was cutting, and my breath hitched in a single sob. “And he did the right thing, Gray. It’s better for you here. We can figure things out together, go home together—”

Hurtling myself to my feet, I snapped, “That wasn’t his decision to make! I wanted to be with him! I don’t want to stay here looking for a way home, Derrick. Lovath knew that, he knew…what did you say to him?” It had been a wild accusation, but I saw the guilt flash in his eyes when I said it.

“Nothing that wasn’t true.” He lifted his chin defiantly. “He and I both understand that staying on Pretia is better for you, even if we had different reasons.”

What the fuck did that mean?

“You and Lovath don’t get to make decisions for me, asshole!” Rage fueled the tears that ran down my face, because it had no other outlet. I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything because no matter how pissed I was, Lovath was gone. Shouting at Derrick wouldn’t bring the Event Horizon back and it wouldn’t change that I was now stuck on this planet I hadn’t even wanted to spend a day on.

“You clearly don’t even know what’s best for yourself, Gray. Have you met yourself? You think you’ll be able to handle every time Lovath gets into a fist fight or a shoot out or leaves you alone for more than a few hours?”

“I’m not fucking five years old!” I snarled back. “I should have been the one to decide!” And I was heartbroken that Lovath, too, had taken that decision away in the interest of what was best for me. Even after he’d told me he was too greedy to give me up. Even after I’d told him my greatest fear in all this was being left behind.

“He’s not telling you the entire truth.” When Grishe spoke, Derrick shot her a betrayed look. More ire bubbled up, but a spark of hope tamped it down.

“What do you mean?”

Grishe rolled her lips together and glanced at Derrick, who shook his head minutely. Ignoring him, she explained, “They aren’t gone yet. Lovath had a hard time leaving. Only took off for the Horizon about twenty minutes ago.”

Time slowed to a stop. Lovath was still on Pretia. And I didn’t believe for one second that Derrick was being forthcoming about everything they’d discussed. Derrick must have seen it in my face because he hopped up to stop me, but I shoved him to the side as I began to run.

My heart thumped heavily, loudly in my chest as my legs pumped underneath me, carrying me out of Grishe’s clinic and onto the street. It was late afternoon and there were crowds of people wandering around and haggling with vendors, but it all faded to the background as I willed my feet to move faster, faster, faster.

The ship came into sight, parked in the open sands with a few other vessels surrounding it, and I ignored the way my lungs ached. I could tell the ship was powered up, ready to launch, but the ramp was still down. I took short, gasping breaths as I approached, my head pounding, legs shaking, but I could see the back of a figure halfway up the ramp.

“Lovath!” I shouted, and the figure turned. In no time at all, I plowed into him, hitting him so hard he stumbled back as I wrapped my arms around his waist. I wasn’t going to let him leave without me, he’d have to pry me off his fucking body and tell me he hated me.

He didn’t try to shove me away. Instead he wrapped his arms around my back and held me tightly. “Gray, I—”

“Shut up.” I tried to squeeze him tighter. I was so angry and so relieved at the same time that I didn’t even know how to talk to him. “You don’t get to leave me here.” My voice broke at the end as a sob heaved through me.

“I don’t think I can.” His fingers tangled in my hair, tightening until he could tug my head back. Then his lips were on mine, kissing me with an aggression he never had before. I sank into it, slicking my tongue against his textured one as I shook with relief.

And rage. I was still so fucking angry.

“Gray!”

I didn’t want to part from Lovath’s lips, and I could tell by the frustrated groan that he made that he didn’t want that either. But he did.

“If I go talk to Derrick, you’re not going to try and leave me again, are you?”

Lovath’s hand cradled my face, achingly sweet. “No. It was impossible first time. I don’t think I would have been able to let Talisaar take us out of here without you.” Those words made some of the fear and rage ebb, but fuck him for even trying.

I pulled out of his arms and walked to the end of the ramp, but I was too scared he might try and leave anyway to step off the edge. “What do you want, Derrick?” When I glanced behind me, Lovath hadn’t moved any farther up the ramp. Instead, he was standing still, arms crossed, glare directed straight at Derrick.

“I just…” My friend looked so defeated. “I just thought we could work together to get home. Maybe if you had some separation from…all this, you’d want that too.” And looking at his face, I saw a man who was totally out of his element. Who couldn’t accept what had happened to us and that we were never going back to Earth. He was clinging to something that was no longer and option.

I saw someone who was desperate.

“You could join us.” I thought I heard Lovath suck in a breath behind me. “Find purpose. There’s no going back. You don’t get to try and keep me here because I can accept that and you can’t.”

Something in Derrick’s expression cordoned off, and he felt more alien to me than any extraterrestrial ever had. “No.” He said simply. “Enjoy your life out there, Gray. One day you’ll realize that you and me don’t belong here.”